Bear Grylls Takes on the Yorkshire Dales (And a Cosy Cottage!)
6th April 2025
Imagine this: Bear Grylls, survival expert, adventurer extraordinaire, and master of extreme situations, deciding to swap the wilds of the jungle for the peaceful countryside of Skipton. Sounds like an odd choice for someone who’s spent years drinking his own urine to stay alive, but maybe Bear knows something we don’t. Welcome to “Bear Grylls Does Yorkshire” — the holiday edition.
Now, Bear’s usual survival skills include making shelters out of twigs, eating bugs for protein, and outwitting dangerous animals. But when he checked into Thisledo Holiday Cottage (yes, in Skipton, nestled in the glorious Yorkshire Dales), he quickly discovered that the only wild creatures he’d encounter would be a few sheep, some curious squirrels, and the occasional enthusiastic Labrador.
Disclaimer: For the record, this is not an actual account of Bear Grylls’ stay in Skipton (we can’t confirm or deny whether he’s ever been here). However, it would be pretty entertaining if he did! Now, back to our fictional tale…
Day 1: Arrival at Thisledo
Bear’s first challenge? Settling into a beautifully furnished, traditional stone cottage with indoor plumbing. No, you didn’t misread that — Bear, the man who once built a shelter in the Arctic out of snow and ice, had to experience the luxury of central heating. “This is luxury!” he grinned, adjusting the temperature to something vaguely warm. He immediately felt like the king of the Dales, though we did spot him eyeing the kettle with some suspicion. Old habits die hard, Bear.
Day 2: The Great Yorkshire Breakfast
A true adventurer never skips breakfast, but Yorkshire breakfast is a whole new beast. Bear was ready to take on the full English — sausages, bacon, black pudding, eggs, beans, and toast. But when the fried mushrooms appeared, Bear’s survival instincts kicked in. “What do you mean, these are just mushrooms? They’re not a survival food! Do they have any grubs inside?” No grubs to be found, just beautifully sautéed mushrooms. Bear skeptically took a bite, then paused… “Actually, this is… good. Very good.” Yorkshire Dales 1, Bear Grylls 0.
Day 3: The Dales Adventure
Bear, of course, wasn’t content with simply sitting around. He’d trekked through deserts, jungles, and mountains, but what about the Yorkshire Dales? It was time for a real challenge. He decided to hike up Pen-y-ghent — one of the famous Three Peaks. But before he could even start, he was distracted by the sight of the spectacular views (no survival situation here, just sheer beauty). So, after taking some well-deserved photos, Bear admired the view and took a moment to sip from a flask. Of tea. Yes, Bear Grylls drank tea in Yorkshire, and no, he didn’t even have to forage for it. Who knew the man could be so civilised?
Day 4: Surviving the Pub (A Very Different Challenge)
It’s time for Bear’s final test: surviving a night at the local pub. Bear entered like a conqueror, expecting to face a new challenge. Would it be an attack from rowdy pub-goers? A mysterious food shortage? Nope. It was a quiet evening of ale, hearty stews, and chip butties. His survival instincts kicked in when he was asked if he wanted “gravy” with his chips. “Gravy? Is that something I could use for survival purposes?” He asked, half-joking. After a few pints and some friendly conversation, Bear finally relaxed, realising that surviving in Yorkshire didn’t require any special skills — just the willingness to embrace the culture. And a pint or two.
Day 5: The Final Verdict
Bear Grylls, the man who’s braved nearly every extreme environment, left Skipton with a smile. “I thought surviving in the Yorkshire Dales would be hard,” he said, packing up to leave. “But the real challenge was deciding whether to have scones with clotted cream or just dive straight into a Yorkshire pudding.” He even took a moment to thank Thisledo Holiday Cottage for providing the best survival essentials: comfort, and a dog-friendly atmosphere. “Who knew?” he mused, “surviving a holiday can actually be this relaxing.”
As Bear Grylls ventured back to his next big adventure, we couldn’t help but wonder: Would the Yorkshire Dales be his new favorite destination?
The answer? Well, he did book another week. But this time, he promised to leave the wild survival tactics at home — and bring a few extra pairs of woolly socks. After all, there’s no such thing as over-prepared for a stay at Thisledo.